The Initiation Of Motherhood
Being a mum, it's definitely hard to put me first. When I left for workshops in the last week, Aila told me she missed me so much and it was like a dagger in my heart. Guilt came up!
I cried, cuddled her...and told her that I miss her too. That eventhough i'm away i'm just right here in her heart. I told her that mummy gotta go and do this work, because when mummy is happy, our family is happy. It's chard for a 3 year old to comprehend what the adults need to do in the adults world...And as hard as it is for me, I really do trust in me being the example, being the permission piece for her.
It's not surprising to have this pattern of guilts in my body. When I look at the lineage of women in my life, there have been heavy conditionings around overgiving, compromising, self-sacrificing, giving until depletion and burnt out. There have been heavy conditioning around the role of a woman (think Asian countries with male-dominant culture). There have been patterns of survival stuck in this body of mine, passed through generations of women believing they have to have it together, that they are the things that hold everything. There have been patterns of the lone wolves, of distrust in life and others, in the masculine (it makes sense when they all went to war and some didn't come back). I also notice patterns of Feminine suppression in the family line, of where women believe it was shameful to cultivate their erotic nature, their life force.
I can go on and on and on...
What I'm journeying with is deep AF. I feel like I opened a vortex of ancestrial and collective healing for women.
As I saying yes to cultivating these parts of myself, I create a field of Yes, a permission space for all the women that come for the journey.
I'm here to do deep work. The work that often scares many away. Because its not for the faint-hearted. It's heavy and dense, it's ancestrial and collective.
When women say Yes to this work, the work initiates them.
People often ask me what's the reason I'm so called to do this work?
Apart from there's a deep knowing in my blood, in my bones, in my body, in my heart...The reason why I do this is for my daughter and the generations that come after. I want my daughter to be able to stand tall in her magnificence and to fully claim who she is as a woman, with full permission to show up unapologetically... And I need to set an example for that...I need to say Yes to that part in myself first and foremost.
I want to tell my daughter that life is magical and full and wild...and she can trust in the calling of her soul and do what lights her up... And I need to say Yes to life first myself.
I want my daughter to grow up and feel confident and unapologetic in her erotic power and expressions...And I need to cultivate this piece in myself first, I need to Yes to my Eros and life force first.
I desire to see my daughter grow up with healthy patterns around intimacy, love and relating...Guess what? I'm shifting relationship patterns within myself...
You see...all the best of things I desire for my daughter to receive, to experience, to feel in life...starts with a deeper initiation of my own self...
It starts with me...It starts with you...The patterns stop here...
And all you need to do is to say Yes to you!
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