‘You’re a girl, you shouldn’t be angry’
‘You’re a slut if you dress too sexy’
‘You’re a girl, you should focus more on family’
‘Too out there’
‘Ask too many questions’
‘Demand too much’
And the list goes on and on...
I grew up in a culture that very much about suppression - of freedom, equality, emotions and sexuality. I spent a big proportion of my life subjecting myself to society’s standards and expectations. I cared about what people thought of me, how they perceived me. I cared so much about ‘fitting in’ and ‘belonging’. I grew up believing that I needed to change who I was to be accepted and approved. I had soooo many ‘shoulds’ in my life that I no longer knew what I wanted anymore.
When I was in my abusive relationship with my ex, I was told everyday that I wasn’t good enough. My heart got shattered, my body was bruised, my voice got told to silence, my intuition was told not to be trusted... my self esteem was rock bottom.
It took me a lot of time and work to find me, see me, accept me and love me for the person that I was and for who I am today. I’m still on that journey and healing those emotional wounds...and I’ve never felt more comfortable with my own body, my sexuality, my feelings and my truths.
I know that I’m not alone in this and there are a lot of men and women who felt what i felt, experienced what I experienced. In fact we still live in a society that values perfection rather than authenticity and human-ness. Women believe that they need to be a certain way to be successful, beautiful and loved. They subject their body, relationships and lifestyle to what they see on TVs. Men believe they have to be more ‘masculine’, ‘manly’, ‘more successful’. We live in a society where Kardashians are ‘role models’ for women, people rather sext and text rather than meeting real humans and be vulnerable, where people feel ‘naked’, unsafe and bored without their phones, The Bachelor and Married at First Sight set their expectations when it comes to love and dating. People text and sext rather than connect. Relationships become more disposable than ever before. Porn become the new ‘sex education’ for kids because parents or adults are too uncomfortable to have real and honest conversations with them. Where doing more, achieving more is valued more than being.
We live in a society where we buy into all the ‘shoulds’ and completely forget our own truths. We somehow believe that we have to wear our masks to fit in and that who we are underneath is not enough.
We live in a society where ‘belonging’ makes us feel even more lonely, insecure, depressed and shameful. Our current sense of belonging is riddled with guilt and shame instead of love and compassion.
In one of Brene Brown’s books, she talks about belonging is a sense of self love, coming ‘home’ to your truths and wholeness and I couldn’t agree more.
On this journey back ‘home’ to my heart, i have had to face so many demons, healed and loved many shadow parts of myself: the shameful, yucky, guilty, ugliest parts of myself I wished I hadn’t had. I’ve cried, I’ve howled, I’ve gotten angry, raging, sad ... the whole lot. I’ve had to sit in my truths to come to full acceptance of myself, things and people.
May be I’m all of the things people describe me... and that absolutely OK...I am all that and SO MUCH MORE.
And the list goes on...
So no I’m not too much... I am enough!
This sense of belonging is mine and no one can take that from me. I belong to me, to love, to truths... and that’s perfectly enough.